Hey!! its me.. remember me? suburban shmeim.. the guy who used to have the crazy hairstyle and threw the towel in for a normal (boring?) life!! yeah yeah.. i still exist.. i apologise for my lack of blogging in recent months.. 2008 hasn’t turned out to be as normal as i had hoped.. and recent events put me off track.. but im back.. better, bigger (or should i say fatter :P) and wiser than before.. and im ready to enlighten u! woowohooo i hear u shout!! solve the mysteries of life for us oh mighty shmeim! hehehehe.. i wish.. actually im not really into cults so let me just tell u some of my whacked ideas over the coming months and u can do what u want with them.. ok?!
sooo.. as u may or may not know by now.. i received some sad news a month ago (on the 10th May at 8:30am to be exact).. my little family got a little smaller. my mom finally gave in peacefully to a long battle with cancer that saturday morning.. i was lying in bed, still blurry eyed from the nights sleep when i received the news 15 minutes later.. what a weird feeling.. to know that i no longer had my mom. my whole life i dreaded this moment.. we were so close.. and i wondered how i would ever be able to deal with this tragedy.. yet in that moment none of the feelings i ever expected to feel were present.. instead i just breathed a sigh of relief and thanked God for her death. it was a sombre celebration more than anything else.. which sounds awful.. but it was the natural response to an emotional battle paved by my mom’s circumstances.
i learnt that death, whilst it is always sad, can also be a very natural path when life has robbed you of the ability to take part in the world. my mom’s battle with cancer first started 4 years ago.. initial treatment was positive, and she lived 2 full years in cape town (which was always her dream).. but over the last 9 months, her health deteriorated again and the cancer became untreatable. she became more and more consigned to her bed, struggling to find the right balance between pain control and morphine unduced highs.. it sucks.. it really does.. to watch somebody u love fight it physically and emotionally every day.. that when that tragic day finally comes.. it doesnt feel tragic anymore.. the acceptance has long been found.. there is no shock.. just a relief that the one you loved is no longer in pain and is in a better place.
i spent 2 weeks in cape town with my dad. it was a really healthy time for both of us individually and as a family.. my dad’s pretty cool.. and now i’d say he’s cooler than ever! as my travel door closes, his travel door opens.. he’s got way too many friends all over the world and far too much time to sit back and take it easy.. so we’ve already agreed he will visit me in september to get his travel 101 refresher course! tell u what, if suburban shmeim starts to bore u, i’ll get my dad to start a blog and u can read about his travels instead ;-)
well thats about all i have to say for now. i have so much more on my mind but i felt it was necessary to jot down these events so u know where im coming from in the coming months. im good really.. im clearer about myself and what i want from life more than ever before.. all those twenty-something feelings of self doubt and being misunderstood are slipping by the wayside.. and its a really good feeling. now comes the easy part.. i just gotta do what i want to do ;-)
stay tuned.. and in the meantime check out gavin rossdale’s debut solo album wanderlust (http://gavinrossdale.com) .. the guy is genius.. and i expect you’ll be hearing more of this album in the coming months!
Ciao xx
